Friday, July 24, 2009

The Ones That Started It All

Dear white girl across from me in the hot pink shoes that don't match your outfit, Please stop staring. I WILL turn ethnic if you continue.

Dear white ppl, The object I hold in my hands is called a book. Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT kryptonite to black ppl. That is all.

Dear Illegal Immigrants who own businesses and want to treat ppl like dirt and pretend not to know English, I have the INS on speed dial.

Dear Black ppl who think they're special and are still waiting for their O.J. prize in the mail, Guess what? It's NOT coming!!!

Dear Fellow Fat ppl, just b/c you wore that outfit last year, doesn't mean you can wear it now. Please re-measure and adjust. That is all.

Dear Dark-skinned ppl, just b/c you're dark doesn't mean you don't need sun tan lotion. That mysterious rash is sunburn stupid! That is all.

Dear Black ppl who live in Urban areas, The dentist is your FRIEND! If you cannot afford one, there are programs that can help. That is all.

Dear old white ppl who are veterans, Thank you for your service. Now STOP referring to black ppl as colored and we'll all get along fine.

Dear women who enjoy wearing open toed shoes,

::breathes:: Where do I begin?

A) Please make sure your toe game is correct before exposing them to the world. Eagle talons are not cute in a slingback heels no matter who designed them.

B) Just because you wore a size 7 last year, doesn't mean you still can wear a size 7 this year. Please re-measure and adjust. Also do not forget that shoes come in different WIDTHS also!!!

C) Just because your daughter, niece, young person across the way looks cute in a pair of shoes means your 20 or 30 or even 40 year-old behind should purchase a similar pair. You wouldn't wear their outfit branding Spongebob, would you? Leave their shoes alone!

D) If you purchase your CORRECT size (see above) and your toes stick out over the top or pour over the sides of the shoes, DO NOT WEAR THEM!!!!

E) The Gladiator look is not for everyone. Proceed with caution.

That is all.


That Is All

No comments:

Post a Comment